Boundaries and Recovery

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GOOD BOUNDARIES ARE VITAL TO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.

Addicts and codependents typically have very unhealthy interpersonal boundaries. Those of us raised in dysfunctional families often find the concept of healthy boundaries to be a revelation in our recovery.  No is a complete sentence.       No.     No.        No.  (Kinda liberating isn't it!)

Recommended readings on boundaries: 

SIGNS OF UNHEALTHY INTERPERSONAL BOUNDARIES:

1. Telling all.

2. Talking at an intimate level at the first meeting.

3. Falling in love with a new acquaintance.

4. Falling in love with anyone who reaches out.

5. Being overwhelmed by a person - preoccupied.

6. Acting on the first sexual impulse.

7. Being sexual for your partner, not yourself.

8. Going against personal values or rights to please others.

9. Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries.

10. Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.

11. Accepting food, gifts, touch, or sex that you don't want.

12. Touching a person without asking.

13. Taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting.

14. Giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving.

15. Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you.

16. Letting others direct your life.

17. Letting others describe your reality.

18. Letting others define you.

19. Believing others can anticipate your needs.

20. Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.

21. Falling apart so someone will take care of you.

22. Self-abuse.

23. Sexual and physical abuse.

24. Food and chemical abuse.

This list provided by Recovery.org. 

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Note on Authorship: this website was created by a recovering addict and survivor; I am not a chemical dependency therapist or mental health professional. Except as otherwise cited, opinions offered here are the result of my own life experience and a great deal of reading in the Recovery and Mental Health fields.  You may cite this site for academic reference, however in keeping with twelve step traditions regarding anonymity I request you identify the author as "Will H. - RecoveryMan.com Webmaster" 

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Updated: 11/15/2007