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 | Inability to know what "normal" is. |
| Difficulty in following a project through. |
| Difficulty having fun. |
| Judging self, others without mercy. |
| Low self esteem, often projected onto others. (eg: Why don't they get their act together!) |
| Difficulty in developing or sustaining meaningful relationships. |
| Belief that others cause or are responsible for the codependent's emotions. |
(Codependents often use language like "you make me feel ______", or "I was made to feel like____")
| Overreacting to change. (or intense fear of / inability to deal with change.) |
| Inability to see alternatives to situations, thus responding very impulsively. |
| Constantly seeking approval and affirmation, yet having compromised sense of self. |
| Feelings of being different. |
| Confusion and sense of inadequacy. |
| Being either super responsible or super irresponsible. (Or alternating between these.) |
| Lack of self confidence in making decisions, no sense of power in making choices. |
| Feeling of fear, insecurity, inadequacy, guilt, hurt, and shame which are denied. |
| Isolation and fear of people, resentment of authority figures. |
| Fear of anger or bottling anger up till it explodes. |
| Hypersensitivity to criticism. |
| Being addicted to excitement / drama. (Chaos making.) |
| Dependency upon others and fear of abandonment. |
| Avoidance of relationships to guard against abandonment fears. |
| Confusion between love and pity. |
| Tendency to look for "victims" to help. |
| Rigidity and need to control. |
| Lies, when it would be just as easy to tell the truth. |
Melody Beattie,
author of Codependent
No More developed this check list:
| Do you feel responsible for other people--their feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being and destiny? |
| Do you feel compelled to help people solve their problems or by trying to take care of their feelings? |
| Do you find it easier to feel and express anger about injustices done to others than about injustices done to you? |
| Do you feel safest and most comfortable when you are giving to others? |
| Do you feel insecure and guilty when someone gives to you? |
| Do you feel empty, bored and worthless if you don't have someone else to take care of, a problem to solve, or a crisis to deal with? |
| Are you often unable to stop talking, thinking and worrying about other people and their problems? |
| Do you lose interest in your own life when you are in love? |
| Do you stay in relationships that don't work and tolerate abuse in order to keep people loving you? |
| Do you leave bad relationships only to form new ones that don't work, either? |
Order Codependent No More today!
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